Progress not perfection...

So yesterday, I decided to try a new way of doing things in regards to my health and fitness. One day at a time.

I did pretty good.

I ate 3 healthy meals and find that it is difficult for me to eliminate carbs in the evening, so I'm going to have to work on that.

I drank about 60 out of the 80 oz. of water I had as a goal. Again, not perfect but not bad. That's more than I've been able to drink in one day.

Sugar consumption? Not bad, pretty good, needs improvement but I did not go crazy.

I did my ab exercises and I stretched. I'm a little sore today and that tells me that something is working behind the scenes.

Today I will start over again and try my hand at the same goals as yesterday.

Wish me luck!

Just for today...

Just for today:

I will drink 80 oz. of water
I will eat 3 healthy meals
I will be open to my growth, health & fitness
I will be sugar free

In the course of a day, these seem like such little things but for me yet they have been the equivalent of climbing a great mountain in my tennis shoes (in winter) with no coat.

My lovely boyfriend and I had an honest conversation this weekend about our bodies and our health.

Neither of us are where we want to be and both of us are struggling with looking in the mirror and seeing the authentic picture of who we are right now.

There are so many "things" going on in our lives and all of those "things" and many others will be there offering themselves up as an excuse for as long as I choose to use them.

I am so tired of this roller coaster and truthfully I am in awe of the lengths I have gone to and continue to go to to keep myself from moving into a healthy body.

I could pontificate for hours on the "whys" of this but at the end of the day it's just an incredible fear to move forward.

I have been given the tools to build a new, healthy, beautiful me and I continue to choose not use those tools.

Like they do in 12 step programs, I think the only way that this is going to work for me is if I do this one day at a time and set daily goals for myself that I can achieve WITHOUT the luxury of excuses.

Today, right now I am going to stretch and do some ab exercises.

For breakfast I am going to make a protein shake, for mid morning snack I will eat a builder bar to keep my protein level up.

I will drink my water.

I will make and eat a healthy salad for lunch today and bring along a thermos of soup.

For an afternoon snack I will have an apple or a yogurt and for dinner I will make up some baby bok choy.

No carbs at dinner time and if I have to have them during the day I will have some Newman's own pretzel rounds. They are SO yummy!

That's my plan JUST FOR TODAY.

I'll tackle tomorrow, tomorrow.

Wish me luck in standing aside and allowing God's magic to happen.

Much Love,

Linda





Here is what I am choosing to do, just for today...

All of the above mentioned list

A new path...

Oh my how time flies!

When I started this blog it was with the intention of keeping track of my journey in weight loss and my movement toward health and fitness.

In January when I started all of this, I took a before picture of myself. It is not a pretty picture but depicts honestly where I was at the time.

Interestingly enough I just looked at that picture and realized that although subtle, my body has changed. I have firmed up some and lost some inches. Nice!

Today marks a new path on my journey.

I begin with a holistic nutritionist and life coach.

In all that I have done, I have come to a great realization and that is that my outsides will not change unless I nourish and love my insides into a new way of thinking and being.

So much of my issues around my body are controlled by my internal thoughts and recently I have noticed an old behavior which I do not like very much and that is that any opportunity I get I mention my perceived unattractiveness. It is an inner and outer thing.

My boyfriend Dan made a very astute observation the other day. He told me that in my life if I am faced with an obstacle I visualize something different and make that happen or I put a positive spin on it but I always shift into a place of acceptance and forward positive movement...except with my body.

He's right.

We all know someone who is constantly saying "Do I look fat in this?" Look at the size of my butt!" etc. Although I empathize with that type of person, I grow weary of hearing their diatribe and self loathing.

Guess what? I'm that person.

Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I believe that I will get fit, lose weight, be a perfect size 6 or 8 and then I'll magically be done! Poof, I'm perfect, I can now eat a bag of chips!

Aaaarggh! It's not true! It's just not true!

And so another layer of the onion is peeled back and I get the gift of moving forward in my journey of healing.

Just for today I am going to love myself and nurture that part of me that feels so lost and wounded.

Today, I choose to post that before picture of me because it is apart of my journey and I must love those parts of me that I find so unloveable.

I hope to keep up on my posts and I hope that this helps someone else who is struggling inside with their outsides!

Here goes...wheeee!

A New Day!

So I made a big decision after the Win to Lose challenge ended and that was that I needed a break.

Between the early morning workout and my long hours at work and a few other factors, I was feeling completely discouraged and defeated.

In truth the first week after the challenge I worked out 3 times instead of 5 and last week I chose to sleep in and nurture my tired self. It helped a lot.

While many would not recommend this, it was exactly what I needed.

Tomorrow I start a new team training at the gym for 6 weeks. 2 days a week from 5:30 a.m. to 6:30 a.m.

Today I woke up ready to get started again. I grabbed the pooch and we went for a 3 mile walk in the 23 degree weather and it felt really good. I feel good about me!

I weighed in this morning buck naked at 163 lbs. And that's a good starting point I'm thinking!

I am going to focus on my food intake and the "getting fit" part this time.

If I do those things I will lose weight but I really messed myself up by making my weight loss the center of my universe during the 9 week program.

I declare here and now that I'm dumping that! WooHoo!

My ultimate goal in this next 6 weeks is to lose fat off my body and be able to see my leg and arm muscles clearly...as in defined and I deeply desire to lose more of my belly!

Wish me luck. I am officially back on board to continue sharing the journey, so I hope you will come on along for the ride. Weeeeeeeeeee!

Hugs,

Linda

Observation

Over the past few days I noticed a change but was unsure. Is it the light, am I mistaken? But no, I was not mistaken my legs are takin on a new shape!

Now, I must mention that I still cannot fully see my leg muscles but the new forming at the top of my thighs appears to be the driftwood I've been looking for on the horizon!

In laymens terms that means I am well on the way to having visible muscles in my body again!

WooHoo!

Red letter day for Linda!

Win to Lose party time!

So this evening capped off the 9 week program that I joined at the gym.

It was a lovely experience to see my trainer Amy and give her a hug and to sit with my team mates whom I have grown so fond of.

I asked one teammate what he got out of all of this. He's lost weight and looks so much more fit and healthy but what he told me he got overall was motivation. He WANTS this now and he's going for it!

That's so cool.

I am humbled by the people in that room celebrating. Every one of us with different goals, all of them vital and important.

I am excited to continue.

I can make this as easy or as difficult as I choose. I choose to relax and enjoy this next leg of my journey.

I choose to ease up on myself and forget about the weight. God if I do anything THAT's what I really want to accomplish!

The Big Shift

It has been quite some time since I've been on my site and chronicled my thoughts.

Often I am on the fly and think "Oh yes, THAT's what I'm going to blog about next." and then one day goes by and yet another and here I am a month later! Yikes!

The idea of starting this blog was to expose my honest and sometimes painful journey of weight loss, health and fitness.

This has been a lovely journey full of life lessons that I haven't always wanted. I regret that i did not write more this past month as many shifts have happened.

You may recall that when I started my bootcamps at the gym I had difficulty with what I considered the simplest of physical tasks ie: jumping jacks and skipping and running. How simple could that be, right? Well truthfully, for me, it was tough and I beat the crap out of myself for not being able to accomplish these small tasks without burning out quickly or just quitting because it was too hard.

I had a goal to lose 26 pounds (I think). Initially I started out with a bang and lost over 5 lbs. and was really proud of myself. Something interesting happened then...I became fearful of weighing myself and a shift happened where I began to stress and focus on my weight loss instead of what I had originally vowed to concentrate on, which was getting healthy.

I could go on and on about the variety of things that happened but here's the bottom line. In focusing on the numbers my body stopped dropping weight. Call it emotional, or the lack of my spiritual core but the end result was the same. I not only stopped losing weight, I gained it again.

This past Thursday I went into the gym for my final weigh in. When I started I was at 167.6 lbs. and this past week I weighed 165.4. We're talking 2 lbs. that's it! That's all I lost in 9 flipping weeks!

I want you to know that i cried, I ranted, I kicked and I screamed and after I got tired of feeling desolate and completely bereft, I was reminded by the people I love a few pertinent things.

1. I showed up for every work out!
2. I tried my best to meet the challenges that were presented to me every time I worked out.
3. I made healthier choices.
4. I exercised 5 days a week! Can you believe it?
5. I started taking Yoga classes.
6. I can now skip to my hearts content and I can do SOME jumping jacks.
7. My enthusiasm encouraged half of my group at the gym to sign up with our trainer for another 6 weeks! Am I crazy or what?!
8. I lost 1 pant size.
9. I lost 2 inches in my belly.
10.I gained self confidence, endurance and strength AND I moved closer to having a fit and healthy body.

Phew! All that happened in 9 weeks and NONE of those accomplishments had anything to do with weight loss!

I was told a few very important thinks when I embarked on this journey...

1. I am not a number.
2. It took 50 miles to walk into the woods, it will take 50 miles to walk out.

As a youth I did a lot of damage to my body with crash diets, diet pills and starvation. Eating healthy and working towards a fit body was never even a consideration.

I am 49 years old now and the damage I created many years ago are a part of the many injustices I inflicted on my body and more deeply in my soul.

Somewhere along the line I got the idea that I was defective. That who I was and how I presented just wasn't good enough. I believe that that was when I began punishing myself and making incredibly poor choices.

Here is the gift (and as you get to know me, you will know that I ALWAYS find one.) I have the great opportunity to correct the past poor choices I made by replacing them with loving, healthy choices!

At the end of the day, as I've said before, it all comes down to loving yourself enough to make the changes.

How do I do that?

Well, I start by putting the big stick down that I've been beating myself up with all these years and then I put my big girl panties on and THEN I start my luscious journey by putting one foot in front of the other and remembering to breathe in and breathe out!

Sounds simple right? LOL!

We'll see.

What started for me as a 9 week adventure has now shifted to a lifelong commitment.

Just for today I chose to love every part of Linda. And just for today I really will put the big stick down.

I think that this experience was exactly what I needed to continue on down the path that I've begun to blaze for myself. As in all unchartered territories there are many unknowns ahead.

I hope you will join me in discovering all the layers of Linda. I promise to continue to share them with you as openly and honestly as I can.

Welcome to my luscious journey!

With love,

Linda